You Can't Be Serious
by dead account. message for new
Summary: As a child Hermione Granger loved playing pretend. As a child, Hermione Granger wouldn't have understood if her parents told her that she was pretending to be someone else. So they just didn't tell her. :full summary inside:
1. Chapter 1: Seriously?

_(A/N): Hey everyone;; Lieutenant Sarcasm__ (previously RHartRainbowDinos, and LNLestrangexx, and Lucy's Massacre) is back, with my new Harry Potter story. Dramione FTW. Ginny and Blaise too. Reviews are loved. _

_YESH; i know the Zabini's are black. I just changed parts a bit and made one parent light and one parent dark. You'll understand later._

_Please review, constructive critism is great. Also, ideas for future chapters and jokes are always used, and I'll give you credit as well._

_R&R. PLEASE. Even, "please updates!"_

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As a child Hermione Granger loved playing pretend. As a child, Hermione Granger wouldn't have understood if her parents told her that she was pretending to be someone else. So they just didn't tell her.

Now, 13 years later, her parents are back. Her real Parents.

. . . . . . .

**You can't be Serious**

_. : Chapter 1 : ._

"Mum . . . ? Why is Zabini here?" Hermione stood in the doorway of the sitting room to see Blaise Zabini, and an older couple that looked similar to him. The man had the traits of a southern Italian, with dark hair, dark eyes, and dark skin with short curly hair, like Blaise's. The woman had jet black hair and olive skin, high cheek bones, and green eyes. The woman perked up when she noticed Hermione.

"Mon bébé, Valentina, ma belle fille!"

The woman practically leaped from her arm chair, scooping Hermione up into a bear hug. Hermione, clearly startled, looked over towards the older Granger female with a questioning look.

"Um, mum? Care to explain?" Jane Granger exchanged a worried look with her husband. She opened her mouth, but the voice came from her husbands.

"Hermione dear, this is Deangelo Zabini, Blaise Zabini" Hermione cast a warning glance at Blaise and reached for her wand.

"And lastly, Se-" The woman let go over Hermione, smoothed down her dress, and smiled.

"Excuse me, where are my manners. My name is Seraphyne Zabini . . ." She cupped a hand around Hermione's cheek.

"Oh . . . how I've missed you so much, my sweet daughter . . . " This startled Hermione.

"Um, I think you have the wrong Hermione. You're not my mother."

"Actually dear . . . she is."

. . . . . .

"So you expect me to believe that my name's Valentina Zabini and that most of the wizarding world thinks I've been Avada'd to death?"

There were many glances passed around the room before someone spoke up.

"Well, it's pretty hard to believe, but when rumors about Lord Voldemort coming back were flying around, muggles where dying everywhere. So we made it seem that you had accidentally been shot with the killing curse. We were going to make it look as if Blaise had died as well, but Voldemort found out about him." Blaise shifted in his chair, but still said nothing. Hermione gave him a guilty look, as if she was sorry for him, which he discarded.

Hermione sat there, taking it all in. She was a pureblood. A pureblood. A freaking Malfoy almost. Wait till Malfoy found out she wasn't, 'the mudblood bookworm', he was going to be so pissed.

"So, no one else knows I'm still alive?" Hermione asked.

"Well . . . no . . . not exactly. A few other pureblood family friends know about your existence and made sure that it was kept secret. The Malfoy's, the Parkinson's, the Weasley's-"

"Wait, WHAT? After all these years of constant torture, Pansy and Malfoy-"

"But their children don't know. All except Bill and Charlie Weasley, and Blaise of course, the rest of their offspring had no idea. We thought it would be better for them to act like Valentina never existed."

Hermione nodded, sitting in her chair, staring across the room. _This . . . This is not right . . ._ she thought.

She felt the seat next to her move, as if weight was being lifted. She looked over to see Blaise, standing up to leave. Deangelo stood up as well.

"We'll be going now, Seraphyne . . . are you . . ."

"I'll stay to help Val-Hermione pack. We'll be home soon." Deangelo and Blaise crossed the room to the hallway, where the familiar sound of apparition rang in Hermione's ears.

"Come Hermione, you must finish packing; you'll be spending the rest of the holidays at the Zabini estate." Seraphyne stood up and held out her slender hand to Hermione, which she took.

"Actually, I've already packed . . . I was planning on spending some time at the Weasley's . . . " Seraphyne smiled.

"Well we should get going then, right?" Seraphyne walked outside, and waited on the porch for Hermione.

Hermione took one last look at the Granger couple; with sad expressions embed upon their faces. Their 13 years together were coming to a close. Hermione gave her adoptive parents each a hug, before heading off to Seraphyne for side-along apparition, which Hermione was dreading. She closed her eyes, waiting for the familiar sensation of apparition, but instead was startled by a voice.

"What would you like us to call you? Hermione or Valentina?"

"Erm . . . I don't really mind. Valentina's alright. Um . . . I . . . " The French woman gave her daughter a gentle smile.

"Valentina, if you're still uncomfertable calling me Mother, call me Seraphyne until you're ready. Mrs. Zabini's much to formal." Before Hermione could answer, she felt like she was being yanked by her navel, hard.

_Dammit. Is all wizard transportation this painful?_


	2. Chapter 2: You're Lying

**Don't hate me alright? I already have the 3rd and half the forth chapter written. I was just to lazy to post.**

**Anyways; Thaxx for reviews, alerts, and favourites:**

_Me!, Tomo, Sirius'SlytherinPrincess_

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**_You can't be serious_**

_. : Chapter 2 : ._

"Merlin . . . " Hermione gasped when the portkey arrived at the Zabini Estate. There stood a grand mansion, with multiple acres of land surrounding it. There was also an exsquisit back patio with a large private pool and deck.

"Come inside now dear. Your brother and father are waiting." Seraphyne tapped her wand on the front doors and they opened up, revealing the true beauty of the mansion. They stepped inside, and Hermione looked around, with awe in her eyes. She had only seen the front hallway and she was already impressed. The floor was carpeted dark green, and it went the length Hermione could see of the hallway. Seraphyne pointed Hermione up the stairs.

"Upstairs you'll find you and Blaise's rooms, which are directly across from eachover. Oh and the effects of the polyjuice potion should be wearing off soon, so don't be alarmed."

When she heard that, she abruptly turned around.

"What polyjuice potion . . . ?" She asked, but the French woman was gone. _Strange._ But Hermione brushed it off. She took a step up the stairs, letting her hand trail on the wood furnished banister. The carpet on the stairs was a dark shade of green, similar to the front hallway. Upstairs, the floors were black, hardwood floors. The walls were the same shade of dark green as the steps. This was truly a Slytherin Household.

When Hermione reached the second floor, she was greeted by a hallway of four pairs of doors. Another door stood alone at the end of the hallway. _Okay, Blaise's room and mine. They're right accross from eachover . . . now which?_ She took a guess on sheer instict, choosing the farthest of the doors. The dents in the knob, the door, they seemed vaguly familiar to her. For some odd reason, they made her feel nice inside. Full, correct so to speak.

She opened up to a hogworts themed room. It had tied all the house colours together into one large, colourful common room. There were four doors, one on each wall of the room. Hermione walked right up to the first room she saw and begged for this to be the right room.

When Hermione opened the door, she smiled.

The room was mainly black, scarlet and gold themed. The walls, including the ceiling, were a deep ruby red. A thin gold border lined the ceiling. The same black wood flooring continued on into the room, but faded into a redish wood. The large, queen sized bed was decorated with a scarlet comferter, black pillows, with gold-yellow throw cusions, stratriejicly placed. On the otherside of the room, which was more like a common room, was a black two person sofa, and a black TV, on a scarlet stand. Different accents of Griffindor Scarlet and Gold, with a bit of black, tied the room together.

She was home.

Hermione reached inside her pocket and pulled out her shrunken trunk, placing it on the ground infront of her. She tapped her wand to the trunk and whispered _Finite Incantatem_. The trunk shifted a little, and then grew to its original size. Hermione smiled, and returned to the hallway, opening the first door she saw.

The room was the complete opposite of hers. The red and gold theme had been replaced with green and silver.

"A room fit for a snake." Hermione said. Blaise looked up from where he was lying on his bed.

"Oh. Hey Hermione." Blaise said nochalantly. Hermione fumed.

"Hey Hermione? After all these years of constant 'mudblood' sneering, that's all you can say?! And you're supposed to be my brother?!"Hermione poked Blaise in the stomach.

"Hey! Hermione! Don't do that! You'll make a bruise!" Blaise complained, trying to block her.

"Blaise Zabini, you are almost as conceited as Malfoy!"

"The ladies love it." He gave her a sarcastic smirk, Hermione rolled her eyes. "And anyways, my memoiries were replaced to. I was only told about you last year!"

Hermione settled down. She finally understood. The reason why he had let up on the teasing in their 6th year. She slid onto the large bed and laid next to her brother. Her skin connected to his, again feeling the same feeling on familiarity she felt earlier. As if everything was correct.

"So . . . why aren't you wearing a shirt?" Hermione poked at Blaise' chest again.

"Draco's com'n over." He replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. A sarcastic look of shock crossed Hermione's face.

"Blaise! You're gay?! I mean I kinda figured Malfoy was, with all the hair products he usues, I mean, seriously he uses more than all the girls in Griffindor!" She said said with almost laughable sarcasm.

"Gossip isn't a very pretty facial feature Granger."

_Crap._

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**DUN DUN DUUN!**

**Okay, i know you hate me, don't fire the meaniieys! Actually I don't really care if you do, I really like reviews, they make me feel special. I don't even care if it says, "This story is so fucking stupid" FEED ME THE REVIEWS! com'n you know you want to click the new and imporoved review button!**


	3. Please Read YCBS

Oh gosh you're all going to hate me.  
I'm sure you were anticipating a real post after what, forever and a half?

I'm so sorry about that by the way. ;A;  
But i might be moving accounts.  
There's just people and stuff i don't want on this account.

I'm still working on rewrites of my stories.  
I'm just thinking that maybe i'll make a new fanfiction account.  
I didn't do it before, because i didn't want to loose all my progress so far.  
But i thought, well i might as well. I'm revamping everything anyways.

So if you'd still like to read my stories and etc., please  
PM for my new account link. c:  
Or email me. whichever works.

I'll soon be taking down all my stories.

And again, i'm sorry for the crazy two year random hiatus.  
I will try to balance everything now. You guys have stuck it out  
with me, and you deserve more than this.

I really hope you'll still want to read my stories after all of this.  
Please, EMAIL/PM ASAP. Or review this chapter asking for the new  
URL, if you're logged in.

This chapter will be posted to all of my stories.  
So sorry if this gets annoying seeing this.

Thanks, and sorry!  
-Taryn/Rin/Cake/Una/Kitteaa/Miki/RHartRainbowDinos/Kitteaasaurasrex/lnlestrangexx/etc./gods i've changed my name so much. ;A;


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